I don’t know where this came from, but it’s pretty funny and somewhat accurate!  

Astrology is a means of gaining insight into ourselves in a variety of areas: emotionality, intellectuality, personality…and sexuality too! Many of us spend years figuring out what we want sexually, and taking a look at the stars can give us some ideas of what might feel good to us.

Our sexual satisfaction in terms of astrology mainly comes from four planetary placements: Mars, Venus, the Sun, and the Moon. To find out where your planets are placed, get a free natal chart from www.astro.com or www.alabe.com. Once you know where these four planets are in your chart, you’re ready to get a glimpse of your astrological sexual profile.

In a nutshell, Mars is the planet of aggression and self-assertion, as well as willpower. Mars is where our primal sexuality comes from. Venus is our romantic inclination, or how we tend to be while dating and in a relationship. When we make love, we operate out of our Venus. The Sun is our individual sense of self or ego, and the Moon is how our emotionality functions. Since sex is rarely one-dimensional, and all of these areas bear on it, they are each relevant to consider when creating an astrological sexual profile.

Combining the four areas we have together can give us specific insights into what could feel satisfying and enjoyable to us sexually. If we know these areas in a partner of ours, we can gain some insight into what they might like too. Our solar and lunar qualities may be unsurprising to us because they reflect how we are in many areas of life. Our Venusian and Martial aspects may be a surprise and be worth exploring if we haven’t tried them yet. As with astrology in general, when we learn we have these inclinations, it can provide a way of taking ownership of this aspect of ourselves. Someone with Mars in Gemini, for example, can become more comfortable with talking during sex after realizing that’s a hallmark of this placement. At the same time, none of this is meant to be prescriptive. Feel free to take what resonates with you and leave what doesn’t it.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Aries

“More, more, more! That’s how I like it. That’s how I like it.”

Me, me, me! Aries wants to be pleased. The first sign of the Zodiac, Aries is the most satisfied by asking for what it wants…and getting it. If you have this placement, try being a little selfish in bed and see how you feel. Just make sure you giver your lover a fair turn too. Aries also loves adventure and thrills. It has few inhibitions as long as what’s happening feels good, as well as strong desires and drives. It wants a full throttle experience of passion, though not necessarily a long one. Aries tends to burn hot and fast.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Taurus

“Your body is a wonderland…and so is mine.”

No sign experiences physical pleasure like Taurus. Scorpio is as sexual, but not for physical reasons. It’s like Taurus can sense and feel pleasure in each of their skin cells. Taurus tends to favor creature comforts like satin sheets, massage oils, and food. Taureans generally like to take their time and savor love making like a four course meal. If you have this placement, try giving your sensual side the luxurious due it deserves!

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Gemini

“Let’s talk about sex.”

For Gemini, sex is conversational. Many with prominent Gemini have their arousal hard wired to speech. The last thing someone with strong Gemini wants is to silently make love. Stimulate their mind as well as their body and you’ve struck gold. If you have this placement, try speaking up during sex. This needn’t be dirty talk, although it certainly can be. Delightful flirting throughout a love making session can go a long way for Gemini, who naturally has a playful side.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Cancer

“If you like it then you should’a put a ring on it.”

Cancer craves safety, trust, and intimacy. If you have one of these placements, casual sex is probably difficult for you, unless you’re able to forge a quick emotional connection. Once Cancer feels safe, it can be an absolute freak, as it’s one of the most imaginative signs, and it’s often up for what it’s partner wants to try, as long as trust is there. Sweetness, sensitivity, and cuddling are all part and parcel with Cancer. If you have this placement, don’t be afraid to wait to have sex until you feel trust and an emotional connection to someone and are able to revel in the eye contact you so enjoy.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Leo

“Like the Sun going down on me.”

Leo is the archetype of the King, and you’d know that from their sexuality. Ruled by the Sun, Leo wants to worship and be worshipped. They have a natural inclination toward exhibitionism, and flattery will get you everywhere with a Leo. Leo is the least afraid to wake the neighbors, as it were. They’re also the quickest to exclaim something like, “that was so hot!” or tell you that you’re the sexiest they’ve ever been with. If you have this placement, explore sex with partners who aren’t afraid to compliment you. All hail the King!

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Virgo

“Always do you best.”

Virgo is the archetypal servant of the zodiac, and this is as apparent in sex as it is elsewhere in life. Virgo wants their partner to be satisfied. Naturally inclined toward perfectionism, it’s important to Virgos that they’re good in bed. Virgos tend to be attentive of their partners’ sexual wants and open to feedback. In fact, many Virgos want to be told how to please so they can get earn a gold star. Virgos seek to be the best they can be at everything they do, including you! If this is your placement, consider asking your partner for feedback, as well as offering your partner some too. When offered erotically, this can heighten the sexual experience.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Libra

“Your love is my love and my love is your love.”

Libra is the archetypal lover of the zodiac. They’re the artist and romantic, in love with love itself. Chivalry may be dead, but don’t tell Libra that. They want to clean the room, light some candles, draw a bath, play sexy music, and put flowers on the bed (or whatever version of that fits their personal aesthetic). They’re also the sign of balance in the zodiac, meaning that they tend to give and receive well. Libra is good to have in group sex because it wants to ensure that everyone feels like they’re getting adequate attention. If you have this placement, don’t be afraid to lean into romance and aesthetics, whatever that means to you.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Scorpio

“You get me closer to God.”

For Scorpio, the physicality of sex is second to the spiritual. Sex is a matter of soul more than body for them, and Scorpio wants sex to be cosmic. It wants the ecstasy of union that gives us glimpses beyond our individual ego. On a less mystical level, this can mean a desire to intensely connect with the other, to ride the waves of pleasure to their deepest. Scorpio doesn’t want casual, and when they do casual, it’s not casual. At least for them. The downside of this placement is that when it’s not healthfully expressed, it can result in sex addiction or other sexual difficulties, so it’s important for Scorpio to embody their sexuality as fully as they can. If you have this placement, don’t be afraid to seek intensity and depth of connection.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Sagittarius

“Let my lust wander.”

Sagittarius is a sign of adventure, good will, and playfulness, and this holds in bed too. The Centaurs know how to have a good time, to alternate between being super passionate and a jokester on a dime. Sagittarius yearns to suck the marrow out of life, and this goes for sex too. Let them! Sagittarius can be up for significant exploration too if the connection is right and it feels fun. If you have this placement, let your lust wander and see where it leads you!

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Capricorn

“Let’s get down to business.”

Capricorn is the most practice sign of the zodiac, and this can show up in bed. No frills, let’s get to it! Of all the signs, Capricorn is probably the most comfortable with a quickie, and sometimes no strings casual sex as well (i.e. business is business). At the same time, those with this placement can be quite passionate when the connection is right. Also, Capricorns can alternately like to be dominated (in contrast to their being on top of things in most other areas of their life) or dominate. Capricorn is down to earth, not in the clouds, and that’s where they like their sex. If you have this placement, don’t be afraid to strip things down and go for it.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Aquarius

“This is sex without touching.”

No one’s outside of the box like Aquarius, a sign that can be open to trying all hosts of fetishes and innovations when it comes to sex. Role play, electro-play, leather? Why not try it out. It’s not that all Aquarians are kinky, but they are likely to be one of the least judgmental signs when it comes to kink or anything unconventional sexually. Aquarians can be in their minds and detached regarding sex, which can confuse their partners a bit. At the same time, there is a sexual electricity to Aquarius that can be exhilarating. If you have this placement, don’t be afraid to explore and find others who resonate with your wavelength.

Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in Pisces

“Your pleasure is my pleasure.”

Pisces is the most psychically porous of the signs, and it shows during sex. They feel what you feel, which is wonderful if they’re tuning in and connected to you. Few signs will figure out exactly how to please you like Pisces. Few signs will lose themselves in that pleasure like Pisces as well. They are also known for being quite romantic, and their looseness of identity can incline them to enjoy role play. They’re caring and intimate, but also highly adaptable to the settings that they’re in with a propensity to be chameleon-like. If you have this placement, try to find people who can appreciate what you have to offer while knowing how to care for your tender heart.